Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
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The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
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I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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