another moral hangover. fuck.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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