it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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