The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
