I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
