It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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