You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
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