My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You pole danced in your parka.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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