I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
