So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
