Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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