I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
