I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
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RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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