We won't sleep together?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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