Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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