there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
