Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
