it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
