after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
