my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
