I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
