Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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