UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Small penises have feelings too.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
