She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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