Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
