Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
