you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
