Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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