Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
