after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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