I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
