So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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