No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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