that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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