Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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