Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
