I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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