My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
