i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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