Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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