just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
