I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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