Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
