I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
