my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
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All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
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I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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