CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
