On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
