Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize