I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
