i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
