Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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