He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
