I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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