Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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