i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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