Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
