It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
