i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
