So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize