Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
